While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
