i would punch a child for taco bell
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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