i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
