You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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