My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
only you would photoshop your dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i need some magic done to my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
