im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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