I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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