I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
