i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
