my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
