I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
