I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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