I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
