she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
