i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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