So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
