Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
