To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
