Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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