You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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