meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
