So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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