you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
