I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
