id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am one with the molecules
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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