i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to make a zoo with you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
