this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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