you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
