Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
