I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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