remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you had me at cake vodka
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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