If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
