Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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