6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
