I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
