you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
