Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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