Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
