Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
