OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
