I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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