got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
