I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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