Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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