Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
