my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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