Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my poor anus
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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