I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
