OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Small penises have feelings too.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
