Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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