The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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