yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
