2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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